"We all build internal sea walls to keep at bay the sadness's of life and the often overwhelming forces within our minds. In whatever way we do this—through love, work, family, faith, friends, denial, alcohol, drugs, or medication—we build these walls, stone by stone, over a lifetime. "
- Kay Redfield Jamison
One of my favorite songs is called the box by Damien Rice. Its about someone leaving a relationship because they feel boxed in. He wants to be free and not held down. But then the other person would be upset. Its a game.
This has been my life in a nut shell. Caged inside someone else's perspective of my life. People pleasing, guilt, and the every steady "this is how you are supposed to be".
We all hate being told what to do. No matter if you are 5 years old or 90, the idea of not having control is massive. So we build walls. Walls to protect, walls to cope, walls to shield us from the outside. But when the walls come down, what do you do? How do you explain to people that this old box has been broken, and you aren't willing to fix it?
The adoption game. Here is your brand new box! Tell it what to do, who to be!
We can't escape so we build walls. Higher. Lower. Sometimes we break the box, and then tape it back together. Sometimes we even get all the way out, and don't know what to do with the box we left behind. Do we save it? Do we burn it? How do we explain it to others?
And then, what if we don't fit inside the new box? Do we build more walls?
Can we change the bricks we choose? Or will the forces within our minds have all the control....