• emeliathygesen

It could have been me...


My adoption story search was long and hard. I had started at age 15 with a small square piece of paper with 4 sentences on it. Often called "non identifying information", this was the only ideas I had about where I came from.

My family did not like me asking or talking about my biological family. I was told it meant I didn't love them, or was not grateful to be adopted. But like most adoptees, growing up I knew I didn't fit in. So I dreamed of something more, or what my life could have been like if I had stayed.

We often think that changing the past would have made things better. That our life experiences wouldn't have happened, trauma would be non-existent, and fairy tale of a happy childhood would occur. But the reality is that what happens to us mold us to who we become. Would it have changed me for the better or worse staying with my biological family? I don't know. But what I do know is that everything I went through in my childhood and until now has made me who I am. It has helped create strength to push myself into a better place. And also to practice forgiveness to my adopted family and biological one.

I want to tell people how it really was, and not who I could have been.

Don't wanna live as an untold story Rather go out in a blaze of glory I can't hear you, I don't fear you I'll live now 'cause the bad die last Dodging bullets with your broken past I can't hear you, I don't fear you now
Wrapped in your regret What a waste of blood and sweat Oh oh oh
I wanna taste love and pain Wanna feel pride and shame I don't wanna take my time Don't wanna waste one line I wanna live better days Never look back and say Could have been me It could have been me

-The Struts

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