• emeliathygesen

Have to hurt to heal

Pain is apart of life. We hurt ourselves, we hurt each other, and we hurt others. We hope that when we hurt others we do so not on purpose, but because we often are expressing our own needs.

As adoptees we often hurt in many ways that most people take for granted. We don't have typical families, we don't have cultural backgrounds which we talk about, and we have life long depression about things we cannot explain. It's this constant cycle of hurt: hurting ourselves, hurting others, and trying to heal from it.

Humans are innately selfish beings. Not because it is the entitled small child mentality, but because we are all trying to survive. And survival skills mean putting our own needs ahead of others. Often times adoptees like myself have spent so much time putting others ahead of our own needs, that we find most people's actions and words to be disgusting. How dare they be horrible people! But what we fail to realize is that not everyone will be like us. Not everyone knows what it is like to see the world through our eyes. We are disappointed because of our expectation of people to act as we would. We keep thinking it will be different next time. We keep thinking people will learn and change. But the real thing we need to remember is that only we can change how to react. We can only change how we respond. We can only change what we give.

So as the old saying goes...

“You have to learn to get up from the table when love is no longer being served.”

Nina Simone

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