We all have bad habits and behaviors about ourselves we don't like. We often fall back into cycles of self destructive choices because its what is comfortable. We hang onto relationships that aren't healthy because we are hopeful people will change.
But the bottom line is that people's truths lie within their behaviors and choices. Often times we are told one thing, and the same old thing happens. So we hang on, time after time after time..until we can longer tolerate the behavior.
For adoptees we hang onto dysfunctional relationships. I hung onto different mother figures in my life, hopping from one to the next in hopes that it would help me finally feel connected to someone. But the reality of trauma bonding is holding onto toxic co-dependency and behaviors.
When you put all of your efforts and hope into someone else, all you are doing is betraying yourself. That is what reunion has felt like to me. Trying to fill a bottomless hole. But we all know there is no magic wand to take it away. There is no magic answer but to learn from it.
But the scary moments are when you change, and the people around you don't. When you have worked on behavior change, and you notice others that don't understand why. It's hard to stomach.
That's why its important to seek out healthy people and relationships. People who help you grow, and don't keep you in the dark. Because it can be so easy to fall back into toxic behaviors and relationships, especially when others don't take accountability for their actions.